Yesterday I had a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and a large coffee with cream for breakfast, a roast beef and Swiss cheese wrap, potato salad, fruit, oatmeal cookies, and coffee with cream for lunch, six peanut butter crackers for a snack, and, for dinner, three slices of a large Kroger supreme pizza and a glass of merlot.
Tomorrow, I begin my third season of sprint triathlon training.
I am 51 years old, five feet, five inches tall, and, according to The Weight Club scale, I weigh 137.0 pounds.
When actress, star and celebrity Jamie Lee Curtis posed for More Magazine in 2002 in workout clothes without make-up, then in full, gorgeous adornment, I studied and studied her before and after pictures. She and I were - and are - the same age. I felt reassured and comforted by her candor and boldness.
In showing how real she was, and in showing her acceptance of that reality enough to reveal it, she literally modeled for me peace with self.
What I realize from two sprint triathlon seasons is that when I swim, bike, and run, I'm slower than I might be because I'm lugging along about 10 more pounds than I might.
I weighed 136 pounds when I was a senior in high school, I'm in good health, and within the normal range for Body Mass Index. I worked very hard to weigh 125 pounds when I was first married in 1983. I've been to Weight Watchers. Ten pounds can be tough.
I found being 49 a year of dramatic introspection, and being 50 a year of insane personal growth as the founder of a start-up. I find 51... Well, 51 sounds unremarkable and sort of sad. Yes, yes, I know "It beats the alternative," and, very kind of you, "You don't look 51," and "You're as young as you feel!" and "You don't have anything to be sad about!" Still...
My 76-year-old mother was in the hospital last night and the night before, a frequent occurrence for her as she has been in ill health for years. My stalwart, seemingly invincible, 76-year-old father caught whatever laid her low and seemed barely able to speak when we talked on the phone, although he wheel-chaired my mother from the doctor's office all the way across the parking lot to the hospital entrance to save her from having to get in and out of the car. My parents are home, recovering in front of the television.
My grandmother, my father's mother, turns 100 next month, and has lived at Warm Hearth for the last few years. "How long have I been here?" she asked me last week. "Is he gone?" she asked about her first husband, lost to divorce, gone for years.
At 51, what's the worst thing that could happen if I fail at what I try or get ridiculed for transparency? Let's see: lose a career, lose a marriage, not be able to have a child, have 10 years of chronic pain, have a dream canceled again and again? Check, check, check, check, check.
To quote Snuffy Smith, "Time's awastin'!"
I'm no Jamie Lee Curtis, but that's me, I'm for real, and that's my figure. I've got some peace with self. But...
At 51, I'm going to try lean on for size. Plenty of time ahead to recover in front of the television from a well-lived life, to wonder how long I've been somewhere and who's gone.
At 51, I'm going to see how fast I can go.
***
I'll share "after" photos when I complete my 2010 triathlon racing season. We'll see how I do.
Before training, I get a physical from a medical doctor. For the current "racing weight" plan I have a set "not below this" weight from my doctor. I train with USAT-certified coaches and my weight-training is supervised by a certified personal trainer.
On Jamie Lee Curtis, here's some context and a quote from Susan Wagner on BlogHer, and an interview with Jamie Lee Curtis in AARP when she turned 50. About her AARP topless cover at 50, amusingly enough, I had to link to ABC News. And Jamie Lee Curtis is about 10 years ahead of me in personal evolution. So, no, no topless shot. Maybe when I'm 60.
